In the House of Flies
by PearlyJammer
Summary: Logan deals as the world around him changes


Title: In the House of Flies     
  
Author: Autumn 

E-mail: dyslexic_crisco_penguin_fiend@hotmail.com 

Archive: DDFH, BPQ 

Author's Notes:  The song "Change" belongs too the Deftones, the poem 'Decay A'Lamode' belongs to me, and the characters are the property of Stan Lee and Marvel. 

More notes: This is a bit of an experiment on my part, combing, a song, a poem and a story.  We'll just have to see what the final result is eh?   
  
*** Indicates song lyrics 

"" Indicates lines from the poem""

Summary: Logan observes the nature of things.  
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***I've watched you change   
Into a fly  
I looked away  
You were on fire  
I watched a change  
In you  
It's like you never  
Had wings  
Now you feel  
So Alive***  
  
            I remember it in fragments.  Pieces of glass that fit together to make a whole.  I saw her run after him, that was her job.  Out there on the field, we all have jobs.  She'd taken him so many times before.  She didn't realize it was a trap, neither did I, and Scott thinks he should have.  I don't blame him.  Not anymore.  Marie knew her shit, but what happened to her still haunts me.   

""Such a sullen grace we court   
as we embrace the lie  
That love is eternal   
and overpowers the world""    
              
            Marie and I had been together for three years and were just getting around discussing kids.  We never bothered getting married.  I woulda, but she didn't want too, so we just didn't.  Marie was a quick runner, so she was the chaser.  Scott leads, Jean covers, and Storm and I eliminate who we have too.  Each job comes with it's own risks, we all know that, but we've never suffered from that reality before.  I can still hear her voice, the last things she ever said. 

"Logan!"  

There was no time, I heard the crack and saw here fall.  Her killer got away and it was too late.  Her killer.  That meant she was dead.  I tried to heal her, I tried every fuckin' think I could think of, but it wasn't too be.  She was just gone.   

***I've watched you change  
I took you home  
Set you on the glass  
I pulled off your wings  
Then I laughed***  
  
            They told me I picked her body up and refused to put it down.  It was just a body, but I guess I wanted to hold onto something.  She was so cold; I wanted to warm her up.  She just got colder.  I watched her face change.  She'd always been fair skinned, but now it melted into a waxy look.  It didn't suit Marie at all.  Her eyes had glazed over.  I looked into her dark brown eyes before covering them.  The film that settled over them was too much.    
            Her soft little body grew stiff in my arms.  Limbs heavy with useless blood.  It was too unnatural to be anything Marie felt like.  She'd always been soft and warm and alive, this change in her body cemented the fact that she was gone for good.   

  
""Immortality lasts only for a moment   
burial, decay and tombs are forever"" 

            We buried her under an old Oak tree in a quiet glen.  It was a large ceremony by my standards.  She'd touched a lot of lives in the eight years she'd been at Xavier's.  There wasn't one kid there who wasn't crying.  The staff was too shocked to cry and us X-Men were beyond shock and well into grief.  I was angry at the asshole that took her away.  Angry at her for getting herself killed and angry with myself for feeling that way.   
            Marie didn't want anybody too suffer.  She'd once told me that the sorrow in this world was enough to drown the universe.  I never understood what she meant by that, but I think I get it now.  Each person carries their own world inside of them, and weather they mean to or not, they effect the people around them.  Enough people with their collective worlds make a universe.  Sorrow in enough of them can drown the whole shebang.    
            I try for her.  I try not to give Scooter a rough time, I try not too miss her too much, and I try to be good to the kids.  I think she woulda liked that. Marie liked kids a lot, almost as much as they liked her.  I'm not Marie, but I can try. 

***I watched a change  
In you  
It's like you never  
Had wings  
Now you feel  
So alive  
I've watched you change  
It's like you never  
Had wings ahhh ahh ahhh***  
  
            Life at the mansion was different after she died.  I couldn't bear to throw out her things, and it was always the little everyday things that reminded me of her most.  Her honeysuckle body wash, herbal shampoos, the little makeup that she had lying around.  Glancing at them would bring on memories instantly.  Marie always had two tubes of lipstick.  One was half-full, and the other was nearly new.  She would apply it from either tube depending on her mood that day.  If she woke up in a bad mood, she'd use the tube with more, if it was a good day, she'd use the tube with less.  Marie said she liked to be able to see that there were more good days than bad, and lipstick was her measuring tool.   
            I didn't touch the closet with her clothes in it for a long time.  Her clothes were so ingrained in her personality that looking at them hurt.  To know she would never wear her green cloak, or her elegant evening gowns was a hard realization for me.  Jean and Storm eventually cleaned that out and gave them away.  I accept that Marie is gone, and her body's in the ground, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to face life without her. 

***I look at the cross  
Then I look away  
Give you the gun to  
Blow me away***  
  


  
            I wanted to die right away.  Marie was the biggest thing in my life, and she was just gone.  I didn't know how to function anymore with half of myself missing.  She taught me how to live in tandem with another, and by default, how to pick up the pieces when that was gone.  I was angry, I was lost, and I was miserable.     
            Time passed, and in it's own way began healing what I thought would be with me forever.  The loss of Marie will never fully go away, but time helped me deal.  Helped me realize that I needed to get on with things, Marie wouldn't have wanted me to suffer.  She was always clear on that.  

""The mighty fall harder than the weak  
but we rest in the earth in absolute anonymity""  
  


            "Logan, if I go before you, don't dwell.  Grieve for me, and move on."  

            It was Marie, I promised her everything.  "I promise, and you the same." 

            "I will."  It was an equal pact, like everything else in our life.  

            I couldn't bring myself to break a promise to Marie.  I did as she asked.  I was set on moving on with life, and finding closure.  I felt like I was betraying her, but I promised Marie I wouldn't spend the rest of my life missing her.  

***I've watched a change  
In you  
It's like you never  
Had wings  
Now you feel  
So Alive***  
  


""Shifting dust erases our memory   
erodes us to a faceless name  
Remembered by all who walk above  
and scorned for transgressions unknown,"" 

            Scott still leads the team, and kids you used to teach started joining the team.  Marie'd be proud of them, and yet scared because you know the danger that they've seen.  They're good kids, they'll do real good.  A lot's changed over time, people grow and change and move in new directions in their life.  We always remember her, but the sting isn't there like it used to be.    
            

***I've watched you change.  
Now you feel Alive  
You Feel Alive   
I've watched you change  
It's like you never***  
  


            I'll miss her, a little less as the years drift on by.  But I never break a promise to Marie, never.  

            Logan kneeled in front of a well-kept headstone and bowed his head briefly.  "It's been five years Marie.  I'm letting go."  

            He packed his bags that night and disappeared from the mansion.  He was looking for a new life, and he never returned to the old one.  He kept his word, and Marie smiled down upon him. 

  
""Breath again when all is lost  
for it is in our darkest moment   
The truth of those we love   
makes itself known."" 

  
  



End file.
